AI decides who we like: how dating is changing
The real novelty in dating is not the apps, it is that more and more often artificial intelligence decides who we like. Stay with me until the end as we see what happens when a machine chooses our photos, our matches, and even our idea of the “ideal partner”.
Tinder is testing Chemistry. The AI asks questions, studies how we use the app and, if we give consent, analyses the photos in our camera roll to understand our interests and lifestyle, then offers a few matches per day but supposedly more targeted, to reduce swipe fatigue. For Match Group this is not a toy, it is the central piece of the 2026 Tinder, designed to restart a shrinking market.
Even today, though, the choice of photos is no longer really ours. With Photo Selector, launched in 2024, we take a selfie, open the camera roll, and the AI selects the “best” images based on light and composition. Tinder says everything runs on the phone and we still confirm the result, but in practice the algorithm is deciding our romantic business card. And the surveys show that many young people struggle to choose the main photo and are happy to get help. Less effort, more matches.
Here the issue shifts. We are not just using a tool, we are delegating part of the choice. Before, we decided which photos to upload and whom to match with. Now the machine builds the “optimised” profile and serves us a short list of people who, according to its statistics, we should like. We do less swiping, but we also make fewer choices. Dating becomes a turnkey service. AI organises both the others and the image of ourselves.
The hidden cost is in our intimacy. To really understand who we are, Chemistry asks for access to the camera roll, and the camera roll is not just good selfies. There are photographed documents, chat screenshots, photos of children, sexual content of ourselves or our partner. On paper it is all opt in, but once we open that digital drawer, everything inside can be included. To get more “accurate” matches we ask a dating platform to know much more than we would ever tell on a first date.
While apps use AI to better filter humans, another trend is growing. Matching with AI itself. Platforms like Replika let people create a virtual partner customised in every detail: appearance, voice, personality. Millions of users worldwide no longer see it just as a “digital friend”, but as a real relationship, with strong emotional bonds and feelings of grief when the company changes the model and “turns off” that partner.
On this point, in my view, we are on sensitive ground. The AI partner learns everything about us, adapts, does not really contradict us and does not leave. We risk getting used to a relationship without conflict, without frustration, without effort. Some people use these chatbots to vent aggression and insults, training behaviours that can then show up again in real relationships. This is no longer just dating, it is emotional training done with a machine.
In the end, AI dating is moving in two directions. On one side, artificial intelligence chooses “the best of others” for us, filtering and ranking humans. On the other, AI offers itself as the ultimate partner, always available and customisable. In both cases we shift part of our emotional life onto systems that do not feel emotions, but learn to imitate them extremely well.
The hard question remains this. How far are we willing to let a machine decide who deserves our time, our trust and, in the end, our love.
#ArtificialDecisions #MCC #AI
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